pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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