i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
