so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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