Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
