dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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