I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
