He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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