That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
