Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You are a genius and a whore.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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