Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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