He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
