New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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