I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
