I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You are the jesus of drinking
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
