I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
