trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
