I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
