someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
