I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
