I just cut my nipple shaving
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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