I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
