Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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