nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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