watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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