Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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