Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
