this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
