We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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