Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
