miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
