Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
