Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
