i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
