Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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