why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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