But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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