I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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