Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
