Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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