You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
