Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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