I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
