So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
