ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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