therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
