Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
