His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
