You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
