It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
