Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
