My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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